Doctor Tunde is a therapist who, at 55, could swear he had seen every kind of patient and could deal with any psychological situation, but Kate’s case stood out for him. She was a former beauty queen with four children whose marriage was on the verge of collapsing due to her insecurities. Looking at her businesses and endorsements, no one could doubt she had everything going for her. However, this was hardly the case because underneath it all was a selfish, narcissistic woman who lacked self-esteem from fear that gaining weight would make her lose her husband.
Her confidence drained as she gained weight, so she became hard on herself, engaging in strenuous exercises to look younger, which did not help at all because every time she looked in the mirror, her signs of ageing smiled at her; this made her usually slip into depression, yell at her children and her husband and accuse him of cheating on her because of her new look. Her husband could not understand why she always felt she was not good enough and believed that he would cheat on her, so he sought the help of Doctor Tunde.
During therapy, Kate revealed that her dad began to cheat on her mum after she started having children and would often tell her how annoying she looked compared to his friend’s wife because of how much weight she had gained. Her mum was a sad woman, and that’s the only thing she remembered about her because no matter how much she tried, their dad left her, and her children were the ones she took out the aggression on.
Dwelling on insecurities can make relationships difficult. People tend to feel insecure in practically all dimensions of life, whether financial, job-related or relationships. Sometimes this can be due to a specific personal ability or inability ranging from looks to family background. The fact remains that insecurities often hurt a person’s self-esteem and sometimes create a feeling of worthlessness.
The United Nations Development Program reports show that 6 in 7 people worldwide suffer from insecurity because they see the world as a threatening jungle and humans as dangerous and selfish. Insecure people usually have a roller coaster of feelings and emotions, such as but not limited to feeling rejected and isolated, anxious and hostile, being easily guilt-tripped, having low self-esteem, and being selfish and narcissistic.
The hierarchy of every human need was encapsulated in 5 levels by Abraham Maslow in 1942. These needs include physiological, safety, love and belonging, esteem, and at its peak, self-actualization. Most people think the safety need is restricted to job or financial security; however, it transcends both
securities to emotional security, which an average person pays less attention to when thinking of securities.
Emotional security is when a person feels safe, confident, and free from apprehension. Research has shown that emotional security stems from the relationship children have with their parents because the quality of relationships children experience with their parents in the early part of their lives affects the relationships they will have in the future. Relationships characterized by sensitivity, warmth, and consistency from parents to their children equip them properly for identity formation.
Emotional security and insecurity are factors which, to a great extent, determine adolescents’ personalities. To buttress this, the Emotional Security Theory proposes that a child’s adjustment to life primarily influences how secure they feel within their family system. Maslow (1942) posited that insecurity is an emotional problem. It is a state of disturbance that arises from tension, strain and conflict, which develops into shyness, paranoia and social withdrawal or depression.
On the flip side, feeling secure is a state where one accepts the consequences of their behaviours. It is possible with the correct orientation of the mind. Self-confidence can conquer nature and, in the process, create things that were not even available in the world before because behind all the technological progress the world has experienced are the determined efforts of hundreds of dedicated men and women who faced all the challenges to make their dreams comes true.
References:
Maslow, A. H. (1942). The dynamics of psychological security-insecurity. Character & Personality; A Quarterly for Psychodiagnostic & Allied Studies, 10, 331–344.
Written by:
Coach Adetutu is a Pharmacist, Co-founder Hazon Holdings, MD/CEO Wellness Healthcare group, health tech enthusiast, Emotional & Mental Wellness Coach and Doctoral Student, her earnest desire is to influence individuals to make healthy lifestyle choices.
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